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Monthly Archives: November 2012

Didn’t sleep well.  Woke up midway and had this, umm craving? to just chat up chicks. Only 3-4 chicks were online, chatted up with the plain janes, avoided the trolls. Then out of nowhere, started thinking of ways to be able to quit my job and still afford the lifestyle that comes along with it. Fell back to sleep midway.

I feel lighter today. Upping the workout was a good thing.

Till yesterday I was pretty ok, happy with the progress I was making, reasonably satisfied with my station in life. Today I feel extremely dissatisfied, borderline angry. Not outwardly directed, but more like a bubbling discontent. Was way too content smoking, boozing, having fun, doing just enough at work to avoid getting shouted at…  While most of that is still fun to do, this is not the kind of aimless life I envisaged. I have become a slave to material pleasures. Surprising how super stimuli like porn, smoking, boozing, junk eating fuck one up. What I am doing now with my job, with my life, is nowhere close to enough.  Fuck, this has to change.

This noting every emotion and feeling is borderline stupid/uncomfortable, but I want to track my transition throughout this time hence the effort.

 

[EOD

Yeah, crap. did absolutely nothing today. 

And now i’m snoozing.

Waste

]

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This no junk food / junk drinks thing has reduced my diet to five tastes. Salty, bitter, hot, tangy and tasteless. I’d thought my sugar craving would be spread out through the day, like a dull throb from a wound. Instead, I get these short bursts of  intense craving for them. While watching other people eat sweets / drink sodas does trigger it off, there are also random cravings like when I’m doing something and I suddenly just feel like having something sweet right now. Bizarre, really, considering I am not starving myself or anything.

On a positive note, feeling lighter and better already. And a couple of my friends are leaving no stones unturned by ordering larger than usual quantities of these and vividly describing the “pleasure” they get when they eat even though I’m right in front of them. True friends.

The no sex no fap rule is holding up pretty well though. As of now, no major torment. Gods of horniness, bring it on.

[EOD

Need to start keeping track of wasted time from tomorrow as well. Too much was wasted today. 

That said and done, it has been much smoother sailing these five days than I had imagined. Maybe the initial push hasn’t completely lost momentum yet.

Upped the workout. There is a sense of purpose and clear headedness  that comes from working out that I’ve missed for a long long time. Prolly need to switch the workouts to morning instead of late evening, so that I can carry forward that sense of purpose throughout the day. Body shape changing, for the better.

Really need to focus on real things now. 

Good job.

]

400+200=600

PPF, Transcripts, V K, Approaches.

Today’s gonna be fun.

[ EOD –

Getting used to the schedule. Can think of nothing worth mentioning today.

No fuck ups, but that’s about it.

I’m plateauing on the fourth day, and shit that’s scary.

What do you do when you plateau and start feeling comfortable?

Kick it up a notch. Push out of nowhere

]

50+30+30+400+300 = 810

Dummy account for ST, and possibly a few other things.

[ EOD –

First real urge to fap today. Noting firsts.

I’m getting better every day. 

Spoke to a friend bout this today, he reckons its impossible. At least not something most people would be able to do. And he’s probably right.

After I swallowed the red pill, I’ve improved a bit. But 90% of the time I’ve just spent intellectually masturbating. Blaming external conditions for what I have been and what I am.

But really, there is no cause to complain. The battle has always been an internal one. And while I’ve usually agreed with other authors, this is the first time I’ve actually realised this.

So much makes sense now. ]

320

Didn’t sleep well.

Exercising before sleeping seems to be a bad idea, maybe from tomorrow i’ll try change that to early morning.

Yesterday was the first day, started  slow. But need to get my ass moving now.

Oh, and swing trading.

[Edit – EOD

Okay, first off, had several opportunities to fuck up today, did not. 

Had a shock of sorts from a close friend, I let it affect me a little too much. 

Need to start approaching, need to start working. Fuck this lethargy.

Need to work through emotional waves, need to work through shocks. Cannot let such things stop me from my goals. Nothing, nothing will stop me. 

2 down, 98 to go.  Matter of time

5+30+150 = 185

First day, first entry and I’m buzzed.

This is gonna be easy.

Ha.

[End Of Day –

Everything except approaching.  

Also felt more in control of my life today. Baby steps.

At one point I did get engrossed in looking up T boosting foods, side effects of excessive testosterone etc.

Note to self – I am NOT doing this for boosting my T levels. THIS IS AN EXERCISE OF THE WILL – AND I AM A SICK AND SADISTIC MAN. I WILL PUSH AND PUSH TILL THE VERY END.

FUCK THIS SHIT. 

So far so good.]

420 + 400 + 20 + 100 + 20 + 50 = 1010